The Olympics–Didn’t See That Coming
Posted on 11. Feb, 2010 by Bryan Coller in Blog
The opening ceremonies for the Vancouver 2010 Winter Olympics are on Friday. Surprise, I know. Who knew it was already time to sit in for a couple of weeks of non-stop TV coverage? Something that can’t be done anymore without our computers, or better iPads (so as to keep an eye on the Winter Olympics Mobile Guide app). All sorts of great stuff is going to happen in the cold: Wayne Gretzky will probably light the cauldron with a flaming puck, Avril Lavigne will sing a song about boys, lifelong dreams will come true, athletic hearts will be completely broken, and, most importantly, different types of metals and composites will ski, skate, sled, soar (or whatever other “s”-verb I can’t think of) over ice and snow.
Yet the Olympics these days, summer or winter, are a little bit like our national parks. They’re a good idea, but we aren’t really excited by what they’ve become; in other words we like them as much as we like the relatives that we avoid on the Fourth of July. We do like them, but something about Uncle George is just off. It takes me out of the moment, at times, to see how many buses and ice cream cones there are at the Grand Canyon. And the modern Olympiad, too, has been turned into a spectacle the only way we know how, with event-specific commercials and athletic sponsorships that seem as vital as a “Feed the Children” sponsorship.
Then there’s the constant and fanatical coverage of American athletes, complete with rags-to-riches success stories (even if this year the name “Michael Phelps” won’t echo eternal like it did two summers ago). Finally, everything that could and shouldn’t have has been given a healthy look of exploitation. Besides the fact that Acanthus of Sparta never did two-man luge in the Ancient Olympics, the winners back then went home with little more than a wreath of laurel. We have built so much out of that laurel over time. And it will be hard to care, honestly, when the temperatures in Southern California get into the seventies this weekend.
But! But, I promise that if you watch a cross-country ski race, and really watch it–the graceful motions that by race’s end look so painful, enough so that the skiers collapse on the finish line–I dare you not to feel the slightest excitement, not to have a drop of the admiration that the polis had for old Acanthus. At the very least we can hope that the Jamaican bobsled team will be there, so people all over will be thinking, and hopefully chanting, “Feel the rhythm, feel the rhyme, come on guys, it’s bobsled time!”
Olympic Bonuses:
Sasquatch (b.k.a. Bigfoot) is an Olympic Mascot.
Barenaked Ladies, INXS, Usher and some other +/- ridiculous acts (e.g. Feist) are performing at the medal ceremonies.
Stephen Colbert is sponsoring the American speedskating team.
Curling, men’s and women’s! As much of a sport as winter shuffleboard or beer pong.
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Topmost photo courtesy of kevindooley, licensed under Creative Commons
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